I dreamed that my husband had been working a lot of long hours, and I'd been making a go of it here at home, trying to settle in and make friends, get the house in order, feel part of the community. Months passed, and I was then having a quick coffee with one of my husband's coworkers. I mentioned that I was really enjoying life here in North Carolina. I then went on to ask how work was going, whether or not she was enjoying the new environment, how things were coming along.
She looked at me kind of funny, and said, "You don't know, do you?"
I said, "What?"
She said, "I guess you need to know. The lab is closing. We didn't get funded for another year. Everyone is moving back to Maryland at the end of the summer."
I was shocked, and then I felt a ball of anger building up inside me. Just then, my husband walked up to join the conversation. I turned all my anger toward him and said, "How could you let me grow to like it here, knowing we would have to leave this summer?!!!!" Then I slapped him* and walked away.
Then I woke up.
As soon as I was awake, I knew that my work for today is to come to some sort of peace about this. I know in my heart that I've not yet settled in here. I haven't gotten used to the culture, I don't know where things are yet, and most importantly, haven't yet developed any lasting friendships, just casual acquaintances so far. I think the dream was pointing out a fear of connecting and then being disconnected again if/when we move back to Maryland at the end of my husband's assignment here.
I'm spending a lot of time traveling back to Maryland to be with my chorus and quartet. Sometimes it feels like I live there, but come here to visit my husband. Sometimes it feels like I don't live anywhere. Other times, I really feel at home here, loving my new house and freedom from a daily job. It's really quite a mish-mash. I suppose these feelings are normal. And I know I need to give things more time so that the connections have time to be established.
But I also believe that I need to be more conscious of making investments. I need to reach out to people to make friends. I need to take action to get to know the community - get out and about, don't just stay holed up on my couch all day. I need to go to new restaurants, check out the museums, act like a tourist in my new home town. I need to read the local newspaper and watch the evening news, so I begin to get a sense of the happenings and issues in the community. I need to try. I need to remember that just like any investment, some of the effort will pan out, and some of it won't. So I should bump up my investment, to increase the percentage of things that stick.
I don't want my life to be about wishing things were like they used to be. I don't want to live in fear of being hurt if I have to move again. I want to live fully every day. I want to be 100% involved. I want to be connected.
Yes, I live in a new place. But it's good here, too. There is opportunity to learn and grow and be better. There is fertile ground here, and I need to take advantage of it and be the best me that I can be.
I'm grateful for the dream I had last night. It highlighted very clearly for me what I need to be doing. My task is to "Bloom Where I Am Planted".
* I have never, ever, slapped my husband in anger. I think that came from a book I was reading last night before bed. :-)
(Free printable "Bloom Where You Are Planted" from www.binksandbabe.com)
I'd like to invite you to come back next Tuesday to my weekly "Happy Tuesday" Link Party. Each week we're sharing anything and everything that makes us happy! That's easy enough, right? The party starts on Monday nights at 9pm Eastern, and lasts all day Tuesday. Please come and join in! You can read more about the party by clicking on the image below.