Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Gratitude - Day 316 - Nov 12, 2014

I've been in a bit of a funk in the last few days. 

I'm feeling so disappointed in myself over how my quartet performed in the Sweet Adelines competition.   Yes, we did pretty well in the big picture (6th place isn't too shabby, after all), but we didn't do as well as we know how to do.  Our performances were riddled with old habits, vocal problems that we have long since learned how to avoid, visual inconsistencies, etc.   We wanted to improve our scores, but instead our scores dropped quite a bit from last year.   

It's really disheartening to work all year long, feel like we've been making gains, even be told by coaches that we're singing so much better than before, and then go out on stage and display stuff that we would have done two or three years ago, as if this past year hadn't even happened.   I've been feeling so many sad things since last Friday... disappointment in myself, frustration, futility, resignation, even shame.   

I'm still struggling with this, but this morning in my blog feed, I found this article about feeling gratitude in the middle of my mess.   And it's helping me.

And that article had a link to this article about welcoming my sadness, allowing it to happen.  And it's helping me, too.

And on FaceBook, I found this graphic.  I'm trying really hard to appreciate the beauty of "what happened", because I know there is beauty in it.  And I know that focusing on the beauty, the gratitude, right here and right now, is what will bring me to the other side of this sad time.

Gratitude has a way of putting all things into proper perspective.   There is always, ALWAYS something to be grateful for, even in the saddest of times.  

I'm grateful for my creative journey, for my friends and partners in growth and creative expression, for the support my husband unfailingly gives me as I pursue these dreams.  I'm grateful for the friends and supporters who love us and who tell us so.  I'm grateful for the coaches and mentors and leaders who show us the way.  I'm grateful for the friends and competitors who demonstrate how to sing with joy and freedom.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to grow and express myself in these creative ways.  I'm grateful for the ups and, yes, even the downs, of this journey I'm on, and both the sadness and the joy that come with pursuing a dream.   

My sadness is still lingering, but it's not so heavy anymore.   I recognize that it's a necessary part of my path, and so I won't wish it away.  I'll just keep moving along this path, and when I'm finally beyond this sadness, I'll look back with gratitude for the experience. And I'll look ahead with a spring in my step for what is coming next._________________________________

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I'd love for you to share in this project.  What's making you feel grateful today?
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