These last three days I've been lazing about the house, wandering kind of aimlessly around town, and generally just chilling. When the cat's away, the mouse gets lazy.
My husband is out of town this week, so it's just me at home, with only a few "must do" things like a hair appointment and getting my car serviced. Otherwise, I'm free to do whatever I want. Turns out, when I'm in this situation, I pretty much vegetate and don't accomplish much of anything.
For example, yesterday I decided I didn't want to cook, and didn't really want to eat alone. So I snacked. All day. I never ate a vegetable, nor a fruit. Didn't really eat anything healthful at all. In fact, I only ate graham crackers, Doritos, and a McDonald's hamburger. Maybe a few fig newtons. Not exactly the best food day I've had in a while.
I've been struggling with adjustment to our new life in Raleigh. Not so much struggling, I guess, but just not really getting into a groove. I'm finding that one year after I retired, I'm really missing the part of my work that challenged and used my brain, the part where I was able to manage issues using my experience and expertise, the part where what I knew mattered and was helpful. I don't have that here at home. So I'm wandering a lot. Flitting from project to project, not satisfied, because none of them really challenge me. The other part of work that I miss is the interaction with people. I worked with really smart, cool, awesome people. And that was really invigorating and fun. And I miss that a lot.
So here in Raleigh, I rattle around the house by myself all day, and this week I rattle around all evening too. And I feel out of sorts, groove-less, restless. I question my worth, my purpose, my self. It doesn't feel good, really, this empty aimless wandering. In fact, it's pretty disconcerting.
But.
Somehow, sometime, I'll figure it out. I'll find a new way to feed my soul. I know I will. I just haven't yet.
So, my gratitude sentiment for these three days is this: I'm grateful for the time and space I have to chill out, listen to my heartbeat, and learn the song it's singing. I haven't yet figured it out, but it's going to happen. I'm grateful that I have this chance.
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My husband is out of town this week, so it's just me at home, with only a few "must do" things like a hair appointment and getting my car serviced. Otherwise, I'm free to do whatever I want. Turns out, when I'm in this situation, I pretty much vegetate and don't accomplish much of anything.
For example, yesterday I decided I didn't want to cook, and didn't really want to eat alone. So I snacked. All day. I never ate a vegetable, nor a fruit. Didn't really eat anything healthful at all. In fact, I only ate graham crackers, Doritos, and a McDonald's hamburger. Maybe a few fig newtons. Not exactly the best food day I've had in a while.
I've been struggling with adjustment to our new life in Raleigh. Not so much struggling, I guess, but just not really getting into a groove. I'm finding that one year after I retired, I'm really missing the part of my work that challenged and used my brain, the part where I was able to manage issues using my experience and expertise, the part where what I knew mattered and was helpful. I don't have that here at home. So I'm wandering a lot. Flitting from project to project, not satisfied, because none of them really challenge me. The other part of work that I miss is the interaction with people. I worked with really smart, cool, awesome people. And that was really invigorating and fun. And I miss that a lot.
So here in Raleigh, I rattle around the house by myself all day, and this week I rattle around all evening too. And I feel out of sorts, groove-less, restless. I question my worth, my purpose, my self. It doesn't feel good, really, this empty aimless wandering. In fact, it's pretty disconcerting.
But.
Somehow, sometime, I'll figure it out. I'll find a new way to feed my soul. I know I will. I just haven't yet.
So, my gratitude sentiment for these three days is this: I'm grateful for the time and space I have to chill out, listen to my heartbeat, and learn the song it's singing. I haven't yet figured it out, but it's going to happen. I'm grateful that I have this chance.
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Hmmm, my first comment did not post but here is the short version:
ReplyDeleteGraham crackers, Doritos, and hamburgers are comfort food so indulge yourself a little. No harm done.
This verse has always encouraged me when we have moved to a location. It is from Isaiah.
Remember ye not the former things,
neither consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing;
now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?
I will even make a way in the wilderness,
and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19
Happy Hump Day!
Thank you, I appreciate your kindness today. :-)
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